I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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