Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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