I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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