i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
