i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
