...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
