i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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