maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
