make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
