wake up i wanna do it froggy style
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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