what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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