the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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