Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
