Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
