Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
