And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
