I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
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