Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
