You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
