I puked a lego.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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