She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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