You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this will be a night to untag.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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