you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
