is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We have so much sex to catch up on
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
