I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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