70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
