I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
