i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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