Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
