I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think i got beer on your cat.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
