Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
