you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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