I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
