i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
love makes seman taste better
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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