Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
