According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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