It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
