woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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