If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
