"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
