i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
