Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
