Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
