It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
