shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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