I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
