Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
