just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
