Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
