it was like eating out sand paper
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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