We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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