You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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