yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
